Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. What do I want to say about Glennon Doyle’s latest memoir? First of all, who has the kind of life that warrants three memoirs? The fact that she started as one in a massive field of Christian mommy bloggers and ends up as a… cheetah. It’s kind of amazing. I have to admit I didn’t read her first two books. I heard of her years ago, but a memoir about saving a marriage with a cheating husband wasn’t something I was going to read. I’m not saying a marriage can never be saved, but I have some experience with unhealthy relationships, and I was afraid this was going to give a lot of women some wrong (IMO) ideas.
So when Glennon announced her separation from her husband on the eve of her “saving marriage” book release – that’s when she got my attention. When she came out about her relationship with soccer star Abby Wambach, I clicked the follow button on all of her sites. Some people were going to unfollow her because of this, so I was going to show up in my Free Mom Hugs t-shirt and give her some support. When I heard about her charity Together Rising, I signed up to make monthly donations. I’ve been sending her money for years… still hadn’t read her books. Then she wrote Untamed.
Back to my original question: What do I want to say about this book? I loved it. I was on the waitlist at the library, but when a friend starting sharing about it, I had to buy a hardcover version also. I have so many notes, highlights, bookmarks. There was only one thing in the book I disagreed with, and that is more an issue of semantics. The love-at-first-site narrative and “my sexuality is Abby” raises a few red flags for me, but I also kind of relate. I have referred to my own sexuality as “hetero-monogamous” because when I’m in a relationship with someone, I really don’t find other men attractive. So I sort of get what she’s saying, but that mom part of me worries about her at the same time. Her relationship with Abby sounds great, and I hope it stays that way. I’m not going to walk around expecting that same lightning bolt to hit me.
The premise of this book is nothing new. Women are tamed by society. We are taught from a very early age what our cages are and why we should be in them. We can’t just “be” wild now. We have been tamed. In order to get our wildness back, we must be untamed. I love the analogy of the cheetah that she introduces at the beginning. Tabitha is a cheetah born in captivity. She has never known the wild, but Glennon can tell from her stature and the way she sniffs the air that she knows there’s wildness out there just beyond her reach. Is this something women can relate to? I sure can.
It was Mother’s Day last weekend. I’m back to being a single mom again. My kids are adults now, but it still reminded me that some of the things moms are recognized for… I did all those things and all of the other things. Next month my parents will have been married for 57 years. My mom worked when/if she wanted to. Neither of my grandmas even had a drivers license. What was I supposed to be when I grew up? No one ever asked me what I wanted to be. I wasn’t explictly told I was supposed to be a wife and mother, but it was the message I received. Then I wound up taking care of two kids on my own. I was lucky to find good jobs, etc. but a lot of this life just happened to me.
Glennon expresses the wish that our lives be “born from” us and not imposed on us. She’s not talking about a life that revolves around kids, although she has some great momming advice in this book. She’s talking about choosing and creating your own life. I’m lucky that I’m already in a time of transition while reading this book. I’m newly single, on the verge of an empty nest. It’s prime time for me to throw off the reigns and run wild and unfettered through the savanna. My theme for 2020 is Freedom. Sign me up for the untaming! But what about my sisters who are settled comfortably in their cages that will find this book unsettling them? I can’t wait to find out.
Women becoming untamed doesn’t mean an end to the family. Glennon actually has a family that *works* now. Her ex wasn’t a good match as a husband, but he’s a great dad. Sometimes (IMO) kids are better off with a non-traditional family that doesn’t include dad at all. Are they surrounded with love and support? Yes? Good. No? Choose something else. Create your own family. Glennon repeatedly says her ideal family is one in which every member is simultanously held and free. That’s a tall order, but something I can find myself aspiring to. I think it’s a feminine quality to believe we can be two contradictory things at once.
Some may read this book and view it as the Gospel according to Glennon. I hope more will see that she’s trying to point each of us to that sacred voice within our own stillness. Learn to listen to your own Knowing, then surround yourself with others who listen to theirs, a coalition of cheetahs, if you will. It sounds simple, but I swear, it’s revolutionary.