**As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

A few months ago, I started a blog post about my struggles with my youngest going to college and leaving me with the proverbial empty nest. I never got around to publishing that blog. Now it has taken me several attempts to hit the publish button on this one. Despite my usual tendency to overshare, something in me doesn’t want to put this out into the world. But here goes….

Honestly, I felt like I handled the empty nest better than anticipated. I was sad, don’t get me wrong, but I had spent months preparing for the sadness. The struggle really began at the end of the first week when it became clear that my kid was NOT enjoying college. I had really built this place up to be the right one, and I had to go through a grieving process while coming to terms with the reality that it wasn’t working out. When it became clear that I would be bringing my baby home at the end of the semester, I was not as relieved as one might think to have an end to my first stint at being an empty-nester.

Now that my baby is safely back home, (temporarily) I am ready to reflect on a few of the lessons I learned from my first foray into empty-nestdom.

Lessons Learned

Friends are Awesome

One of my book clubs had a special gathering to help me get through my first weekend sans kids. It was such a relief to look forward to those plans all week while I settled into the quietness at home. Since my husband works inconvenient hours and days, I was not going to be able to rely on him to keep me busy. I was vocal about my anticipated struggles, and there were kind people listening. Nothing beats a group of friends chatting about books and whatever else comes to mind to remind you that you are not alone.

I had also reached out in the online community for Bright Line Eating and several wonderful people set themselves reminders to check in with me during my first few weeks. Some of these were people I know through the program, but some were basically strangers who took the time to set a task and reach out to check on me. How wonderful is that?!

I also connected with a small group of BLE’rs via the Marco Polo app shortly after the empty nest began. I can’t speak highly enough about this group. It was created for support around something completely unrelated, but quickly became a go-to for all sorts of support. The timing of joining this group was perfect for giving me the additional boost I needed during this time.

You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

I had a lot of sadness and confusion around the emptying of my nest. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t be a a mother anymore, but my role would be changing. My world has revolved around these kids for 22 and 18 years. For a large portion of that time, my most important life goal was to *stay alive* until my kids became adults, because I didn’t want them to be separated by custody agreements (long stories.) Now that they are both adults, that responsibility lifted. It was just a weird feeling. One side of my brain wanted to ask, “Who am I now?” The other side knew that I am still the same person and decided instead to ask, “What’s next?”

I decided to take my oldest daughter’s suggestion and sign up for a tap dance class. This is my 22-yo, who has taken 15 years of dance class and happens to be a tap-dance-WIZARD. Let’s just say… she did not inherit those skills from me, but I have a lot of fun in the class because I get to make a lot of noise. I am committed to sticking it out and learning and… will someone please remind me to practice every day? 😀

Dingoes and Babies

While I decided to channel my energy into learning something new, I am not the only old dog in this story. We have an actual dog. His name is Cap. He isn’t very old, but he doesn’t know any tricks. One of the things I love to do is visit my local farmers’ market. In my community, everyone brings their dog to the market. My dog doesn’t know how to walk on a leash. And frankly, he has been known to bark at babies. With the house emptier and more free time, I decided to start working with him on this. We still have some work to do on walking, but we also worked on sitting and waiting for treats. He is really good at sitting for treats.  The market season is over for now, but I hope to take him next season. However, people also bring their babies to the market, so this might be a short-lived experiment. And yes, my dog is descended from Dingoes.

Carry on

Maybe the most important lesson this empty nest experience taught me was that despite a big change like this- things don’t really change. Things are always changing, but I’m still a mom, my kids are still my kids, and our relationships continue to evolve. Kids growing up is a good thing! Mom growing is a good thing too!