Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Many years ago, someone gave my grandparents a framed poster of the Desiderata. I don’t know who that was, and I don’t know why they decided to give this particular gift, but that person had a profound impact on me. This poster hung in my grandparents’ living room above their TV for as long as I can remember. Their TV wasn’t very big and they didn’t have many channels, so I spent a lot of time staring at the Desiderata over the years.
When Gramps passed away a few years ago, I went with my dad and uncle to help clear his assisted living apartment. I thought there would be a lot of people clamoring for this piece and asked if anyone had asked for it. My uncle told me, “it’s yours.” Now this framed Desiderata hangs on my bedroom wall. Some days it goes unnoticed, as I’m sure it did many days for Gramps & Granny. Then there are the days when a word or phrase leaps out to catch my attention. It’s always exactly what I need to hear in that moment: speak your truth, enjoy, be yourself, be gentle, be at peace, it is still a beautiful world… you have a right to be here.
Given Context
I would like to do a modified version of a close reading of this text. Instead of talking about what the text means, I would like to talk about what it means to me.
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
Silence can be uncomfortable. I talk a lot, and I have a story for everything. Sometimes I need this reminder that if I want to “go placidly” it’s okay to just let all of the stories go and give it a rest. This reminds me that I can be amid that noise and haste but not be part of it. A few years ago, I took this challenge and decided to remove the word “busy” from my vocabulary. The world is a hectic place, and I always have a lot on my calendar, but I try to focus on one thing at a time and show up wherever I am. I think my refusal to buy into the “busyness as status” trend stems from reading this first sentence of the Desiderata again and again.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
The important part for me here is “without surrender.” This means not to compromise myself or my values just to get along. I spend most of my time on good terms with people. I can get along with almost anyone. There’s an expression that says you have to go along to get along. I don’t think that’s true. I can be friendly and respectful without surrendering my values.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
This is my least favorite sentence in this text. Don’t tell me to be quiet, and don’t call people dull and ignorant. Everyone does have their story, including Max Ehrmann, the author who wrote this and chose those unfortunate words for some reason. I may have spent more time staring at those words, “dull and ignorant,” than at any other phrase on this poster. Whoever you would normally dismiss and ignore, listen to them. If you think you already have someone’s story figured out, chill out a sec and listen to them. Speak your own truth, but don’t forget to listen when others speak theirs.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
I can be loud, aggressive, and vexatious to the spirit. Mr. Ehrmann would avoid me, especially in the morning. So I can love the Desiderata without loving everything about it. I can also acknowledge that sometimes I might be vexing the heck out of some people. Usually when I feel irritated and defensive about this line, I go back to the first one and remind myself that it is okay to balance vexing with peacing out. One of my core values is Balance, so I try to spend some time in both loud and quiet modes. Admittedly, there are a few people that I avoid. (I am sure you’re not one of them.)
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
This is good advice, and maybe it should be obvious. Maybe a lot of the Desiderata should be obvious, but I like reading it repeatedly nevertheless. Of course there are people that rank as greater and lesser than me on every metric. That could make me feel bad or good, and that’s the trap. It’s not about the values and metrics themselves, it’s about the emotion that we assign them. 10 is greater than 5, so that’s good, right? Unless we are talking about the number of ants in your pants, then 5 might sound better. Most of the ways we are comparing ourselves to others are just as arbitrary. Someone has a nicer car, but they might also have more debt. Someone might have more debt, but maybe they have been more places and had more fun. Do your best not to compare.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
This is a novel idea, and I love it. My brain and personality love to prioritize the process over the results. In another mathematical comparison, I wrote the expression “Process > Result” on my dry erase board at work a long time ago. Achievements are easy to enjoy, and the enjoyment lasts about eight hours. Enjoy every step on the path of the plan that gets you there.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
How telling that this was written in 1927 and career insecurity made its way in. Is it reassuring for me to read that fortunes have been changing for nearly a hundred years? Not really. I’ve had some humble jobs. Some of them were easier to “keep interested” in than others. Some of the more boring jobs gave me avenues to accomplish other things. Some of the most humble jobs gave me immense appreciation for the kinds of work that have to be done. My current position is the opposite of humble, but I am still just a kid from Berryville who spent my summers bussing tables.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
People suck, but some people are alright. As Mr. Rogers would say, look for the helpers. When I read this I try to focus on the positive parts, but anyone who has ever tried to sell something on Craigslist knows all too well about the trickery. That’s why I have never tried to sell anything.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Another core value for me is Authenticity. I like to think I can be myself. Some areas of life that is easier than others, but I do my best. I am not good at feigning anything. My feelings tend to write themselves on my face. And yes, I have been cynical about love. I might still be. It’s good to know that stuff will keep showing up though.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Ouch! This one has been leaping out at me a lot recently. I always thought the counsel of the years meant listening to wisdom from someone else. Now I know it’s not about listening to what someone with more years has to tell me, it’s about listening to what my own years have to say. All 43 of them. They’ve seen things. They know things. Sometimes I forget, but they always know. Suffice it to say, I am still working on surrendering the things of youth. Outdated ideas and ideals can go, but nobody better lay a finger on the music, books, and movies of my youth. Isn’t never growing up supposed to be a benefit of being a Gen X’er? I’m pretty sure that’s right.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
This one wasn’t obvious. This one still blows my mind. Again, this was written in 1927. How did he know I was going to be neurotic and depressed? I mean, maybe it goes back to Balance, but as much as I try to nurture strength of spirit, I always seem to wind up with a whopping dose of dark imaginings. I think that’s pretty standard. We all do that. That’s how Max knew he needed to mention it. And we’ve learned from Gandhi and MLK Jr that the opposite of love is not hate but fear… now we learn that fear is born of fatigue and loneliness. As I have stared at this phrase over the years, I have asked myself how true that is. If I stare at it in those times when fear is gripping me, I find this statement to be absolutely true. When I see people motivated by fear, I remind myself this is really fatigue and loneliness. It is hard to be irritated with someone when you think of them as exhausted and lonely. At least for me it is.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
My current favorite statement in the Desiderata. My pal Max was ahead of his time. Current research shows that self-compassion is more important to well-being than self-confidence. I like the wholesome discipline part, and that has been a very helpful way to frame good habits and actions. It doesn’t let me completely off the hook, but the key message is to be gentle. Brilliant choice of words. Love it. Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
Did Max know that we are all made of star stuff? I think that’s newer science, but once again he nailed it. Can I blame Max for the fact that I claim the Universe as my higher power? Years of staring at a poster will do funny things to a soul. Did he have a certain audience in mind when he wrote this sentence? I hope not, because any person reading this has just as much right to be here as the next.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
I have seen people paraphrase this and wondered if they knew where it came from. This is important to me, because I like to know things. I like things to be clear. I have been trying to get comfortable with not knowing things for quite some time now, and I will keep trying. Even when it’s unclear, or when it feels like it’s clearly the opposite, I appreciate the reassurance that everything is going according to some larger plan. And again, my sources say the expanding universe evidence was first discussed a few years after Max published this text. Interesting.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
If my grandparents had this hanging up, and it gives me permission to conceive of god however I like, it must be okay, right? I honestly wonder if they ever read this, or if they felt obligated to hang it up, because it was a gift.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Many of my favorite works end where they began, and the Desiderata is no exception. Again we are urged to find peace amidst the noise. And was there ever a better way to describe the worst parts of life than “sham, drudgery, and broken dreams?” And it is still a beautiful world. Even now. Then I like the little admonitions to be cheerful and not to be happy, but to “strive” to be happy. It’s sort of like how Thomas Jefferson didn’t say we are entitled to happiness but the pursuit of it. I don’t like the word strive. I don’t want to struggle to be happy. I don’t mind working for it, but I would rather just open my arms and accept the happiness that is already available to me. So… I think this poster influenced me by simultaneously inspiring me and inciting my rebellious side.
Desiderata is By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Because I mentioned peacing out and can never say that without thinking about this shirt.
And because Leonard Nimoy did the Desiderata on his spoken word album.