**As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Welcome to my year end review of 2018. My first instinct at the end of the year was to go through my journal and make a list of all the cool things I did in 2018. There were so many things! While I was making my list, I received an email from James Clear with his annual review. I decided I liked his format. He got the idea from someone else, and I have seen a few others use it as well. If it works for them, it can work for me, so here goes….

What went well this year?

Reading Less/Writing More

In 2017 my reading goal was 80 books. I hit that goal, and I completed the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge (mentioned here .) I also tried to get started writing my blog. I was a bit overwhelmed by the end of the year and found that I let the writing slide. So in 2018, I resolved to read fewer books and officially start my blog. I set my reading goal at the magic number 42, because that’s how old I would be for most of the year. It took me all year to hit that goal, so cutting back feels like it was the right move. I got my blog started and made several posts. I feel good about how this goal shaped up for 2018.

In 2019, my goal will be to read 43 books (I’ve already done 2 but Goodreads isn’t giving me credit for a re-read) and to write even more. Blogging is not the only kind of writing I do, so I might write more without the public evidence. My target is to blog weekly, but I am allowing myself some grace around that.

Travel

I’m no Johnny Cash. My theme song could be: “I’ve been to the same few places over and over again.” That does’t have the same rhythm, does it?

In 2018 I went to a lot of new places and revisited several old ones. For Spring Break, the kids and I went on an epic road trip to the Northeast while touring colleges. We met #1 kid’s BFF at Niagara Falls. We lived one of my favorite James Taylor songs by taking “the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston.” We experienced our first Nor’easter on the first day of Spring. We made a quick visit to the Smithsonian Natural History Museum in DC and took selfies in the sculpture park. 

In the summer, I took my first vacation by myself to attend the Bright Line Eating Family Reunion. This was my first trip to California/the West Coast, then I returned a couple of months later for a work trip. I actually took more plane rides in 2018 than I had taken in all 42 years of my life prior. I made this map showing all of the states I visited in 2018. 

Connection

If I had to give 2018 a name, for me it would be the year of Connection. In my blog post about habits, I talked about Connection as one of my core values. Formerly, I had a different “C” word that would have been there, but as I worked on that post it became very clear that Connection had moved into the top spot. I have not always had a lot of friends. I was not exactly the popular girl in high school. (See my junior prom picture here.) Lately, my wonderful husband has taken to calling me “Miss Popular,” because I am always connecting with some friend, family member, or group.

I have plans nearly every day of the week. Monday is usually free, but Tuesday is “cheap date night” when movies are only $5. Wednesday is tap dancing class. Thursday I have a Mastermind Group call. Friday is yoga with my bestie. Naturally, I can find something to do on the weekend. The thing is… I’m not really an “activity” person. What motivates me to attend all of these things is the chance to connect. Movies are with my friends, kids, and/or my husband. Tap class is with my oldest. My MMG call is with a couple of fabulous friends. And I never see my BFF often enough. When I go to book and craft club or “moonlight ladies,” it’s about connecting with awesome women. I have discovered that I love it! Thanks, 2018, for helping me embrace this. 

What didn’t go well this year?

Being Complacent

You might have seen me mention this little thing called Bright Line Eating. I have talked about it several times including here, here, and here. I have had tremendous success with this program. So much success that I became complacent. My brain started to play tricks on me and try to make me believe that I could eat like a “normal person.” Well… nope! The good news is – this program has become my lifestyle, so even when I have gone “off-plan” I have gone right back on again automatically. The bad news – I strayed from my good habits often enough that I brought my weight loss to a halt. I didn’t regain. I actually started 2019 exactly 2 lbs lighter than I started 2018, but I had thought that 2018 would be the year I got to goal. I allowed some unspoken fear of success to hold me back.

Luckily for me, midway through December a new program was launched in the BLE community that addresses exactly this issue. I signed up, and I am leaning hard into the program and the support community (connection.) I am not going to promise that 2019 will be “goal year.” My only promise is that I am going to stop trying to analyze that fear and just “act as if” it doesn’t exist. When I take care of my program, it will take care of me. And I am SUPER grateful for the people who take care of me so that I can take care of my program.

PITA

In case you don’t know, PITA stands for Pain In The Ass. This time you can take it literally. I still have issues with my spine. This causes sciatica and issues all the way down to my toes. It is MUCH better since I started Bowen therapy, but I can’t get it as often as I probably should. I also need to seriously do my physical therapy exercises every day. As soon as they start to help and I feel better, I start to slack. I have lots of other fun things to do, I don’t have 5-10 minutes per day to spend strengthening my core! (sarcasm)

Despite my pain level being 80-90% improved from where I started the year, it is still frustrating that I have to deal with this at all. I feel like freedom from pain should be automatic with losing 100 lbs. C’mon! Sadly, I have also had to admit to myself that there are things that my spine will never allow me to do again. Our local-ish theme park opened a new roller coaster. I should be celebrating a NSV (non-scale victory) of being able to fit into a roller coaster seat and ride again, but I can’t. I was really, really, really sad the day I admitted to myself that I can’t risk further injury to my spine by disregarding the warnings and riding anyway. The last time I rode a coaster I started to black out on a loop. Message received. My coaster days are over. And I am grieving that loss. It’s not so much the coasters themselves as the sense of finality that an era of my life has passed and can never be regained.

The Day Job

Is there always going to be one of these that I don’t even want to talk about and don’t want to admit? I hope so, or else I am going to feel bad about this one. I have a great job. I like the kind of work I do. Mostly. Sometimes it’s too much math even for a nerd like me. I don’t have any idea what else I would do if I “had my druthers.” I probably make good money, although don’t our circumstances always seem to challenge us on this one? Making the statement that this would be my dream job is what landed me here. Why, then, would I find myself in this “maybe not” state?

LAYOFFS – When I started my previous job, my dad had told me not to drink the Kool-Aid. He told me if it was ever in their best interest NOT to pay me to do that job, they wouldn’t think twice about it. I was there 14+ years and never forgot that advice. Then I changed companies and I placed this, my favorite brand, on a pedestal and thought it would be different. While I was lucky enough to not be laid off, I saw it happen to others, and it did indirectly impact and change my role. I had actual survivor’s guilt. (Thanks again, therapist!) And I felt heartbroken… that really is the only word for it… at having my illusions burst. 

There’s more, but I find that I need to stop there. I’ve heard people say that you have to work through the whole story before you can tell it. My gut is telling me to sit with it a while longer. Not just because sometimes my boss reads my blog. LOL. I think he knows that wouldn’t stop me. But not now. 

But one last thing on the “what didn’t work” side of it is that I no longer partake of 90% of my company’s products due to my lifestyle change. When I recently told someone else in the program where I work, they said, “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not a Buddhist, because y’know, ‘Right Livelihood’ and all that.” Which led me to say, “Actually….” and explain how I thought I was leaving my old job for precisely that reason (guns,) and now find myself faced with the same thing a few years later, because I now view Sugar as poison. For me and many others like me, it has to be an all or nothing thing. There is no moderation. And as much as I could rationalize that I didn’t help put guns into stores for any ill intent, and I am not responsible for what people do with them (once again, therapy!) I have a serious karmic struggle happening. 

What did I learn?

The Answer is Always MORE SUPPORT

Have I mentioned that one of the cool things about Bright Line Eating is the supportive community? That includes coaching calls where people get help with specific struggles. I’ve done this program for more than two years, and eventually I noticed a pattern. Regardless of what sort of struggle someone is having, the answer is always more support. One of the most vicious things about addiction – I identify as a food addict – is that it wants to isolate us. This is true of other ailments as well. Once I recognized that everyone else wants to isolate too, it began to get easier for me to reach out. Notice I said easier. I didn’t say easy.

I have not branched this out much to other areas of my life yet, but honestly, right now having my food and daily habits around this at 100% is my highest priority. I know when I do apply it to other areas, it will serve me just as well.

Staying True to Myself is Still the Key

I don’t know how to be anyone but myself, but sometimes I try. This inevitably leads to disaster. Sometimes it’s less about being someone else and more about just not really and truly being fully myself. Like I said in this post, I hope that the person I am is constantly evolving. I reserve the right to change and to change my mind. I even mentioned above that one of my top 3 core values swapped out this year. But that value and the one it replaced are both still in alignment with “ME.”

The darkest spots in 2018 for me were a few instances where I attempted to “go along to get along.” It was premeditated. It was supposed to be strategic. The person who got the least benefit from it was always me. These were not big, life-changing things. Nothing illegal. (Do y’all even know me?!) But these things have been stuck in my craw simply because I know they were out of alignment. I expect more from myself. And I will do better next time. That reminds me of an Incubus song… nah, that too, is a story for another time.

Conclusion

2018 was a good year. Everything didn’t turn out like I planned, but I planned a lot, so there was room for error. I am so grateful for my family. My husband really doesn’t get enough credit for putting up with and taking care of me. You might have heard how awesome, smart, and talented my kids are. That’s still true. (And Holly is graduating in May!) I have already started 2019 by spending some time with a couple of my wonderful cousins. Extended family is fantastic! Stay tuned for my next blog about more of my 2019 plans. I am sure they won’t all work out either, but won’t it be fun to try?!

Did you do a 2018 Annual Review? If so, share a link in the comments! Is there anything that stands out to you about my 2018? Again, leave a comment! Do you have big plans for 2019? Hey, save that comment for next week! Do you want to know more about Bright Line Eating? Ask me! (trina@givencontext.com) Are you sick of me talking about it? Well, sorry, but I am excited about it, because it works! Maybe the most important question: How many books do you plan to read in 2019? Tell me in the comments and leave suggestions of books for me to read!